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Wellness Wednesday:Grief & Epilepsy

Coach was a like a father/grandpa to our family for years

No words can say enough about Coach with how my heart felt with the news of his passing. After all Coach and Sue called me at least every other week since we moved from KY to FL in December 2019. If we missed a call there was always a voicemail from Coach, I am glad I still have all of them to listen to.

Even though I spoke with Sue a few days before and knew it was coming, it can never prepare you. Sue always knew how to be strong, during that call it showed even more. Coach always said she was the rock for the family and his partner in all things even coaching football. He said truth be told she knew the game better than I. Coach said I loved baseball more but couldn't coach that:)

That day she just wanted to talk family and check more on how I was doing with my health but also about my family. She also bragged about them becoming great-grandparents. It was an honor as she always said I reminded her of her daughter Kathy, with how strong and kind we both are to all.

The picture below was back working at EKU in the annual Kidd Golf Tournament riding around in the golf cart with him and Sue. As I promised you Coach, I will continue our calls with Sue as you said we will help each other. I know you are smiling, and also telling me to stop that crying you have to take care of yourself to enjoy that great family of yours.

Dealing with grief while living with epilepsy for me

Just like anyone else touched by a loss of someone you care for deeply it affects you. The the thing that is different is how my brain reacts or should I say overreacts based on where and kind of seizures I have. Remember everyone that has epilepsy will react to things in their lives differently. (read Monday on my TLE seizures, as well as before on PNES)

I have always been told I place others before myself and how deeply I care for others no matter how they may treat me or my family. When my seizures became worse, my mind also changed on how it processed various things in life and how my cognitive skills changed at the same time. I also take things more seriously for others as I can't do as many things that I used to, so I feel the need to replace that in some way.

Due to some of this guilt set in when Sue texted me the day he passed. I wasn't there for her, or the Kidd family and even all the people I had met over the years that were touched by Coach. I couldn't provide a hug or even attend his celebration of his life.

What I did to celebrate Coach to help me process

I first just began going through my thoughts, let my husband know, parents, and wrote down memories. My mind was getting the best of me and I knew it would go into seizures if it got worse. So I walked around the house to my Peloton music. Music and exercise typically make me feel better if my body can do it physically if not, meditation or blogging is best or just an all out cry let myself just have emotions that I can't control.

I then began texting or calling those that I knew were close to Coach and those that I knew would understand what I was feeling. One colleague/friend and I texted back and forth old voice mails we both had which made us be able to laugh and talk about times we spent with Coach.

I have since then texted Sue daily a prayer along with an image to represent what she and Coach mean to me. Just letting her know I am here when she is ready to talk. I had to do something in my mind, cause I couldn't be there physically. It also is my OCD from the seizures kicking in.

I know I have rambled on as that is how my brain works at times when I am still processing from last week. I could go on and on about Coach and Sue. I hope I explained a bit on how my brain reacts even more to anything especially grief due to where your emotions are located in the brain.

One thing I will always admire Coach for is daily Coach and I would sit in his office going through whomever gave and he wanted to personally write thank you notes to each person. Thinking now, laughing a bit not sure I could be as much help cognitively to us both:)

Enjoy a few more pics back when I had the pleasure working side by side.

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