Life Behind or at The Plate & My Glitch

Disclosure: As a reminder I don't go back and correct any mental errors while writing because that is true to how my brain works with living with epilepsy. In order to understand this by someone just joining, one example at times I might speak a sentences out oforder, or repeat them, spelling.

That ONE Postgame Pic, Gave Me My Blog Topic

We spent this weekend out in TX, watching our son & teammates play baseball. He has been dealing with some injuries, so he wasn't able to do all he wanted to with us being there. But his strength and dedication inspires me to never give up. I also feel he plays one of the toughest positions on the diamond: "The Catcher".(I might be a bit biased:) Truly every part of baseball is not easy. It wasn't until my husband took a pic the last day of the 3 of us, and I asked why is the letters backwards.(go back and look, if you didn't notice it) He said because I had it set in "mirror mode". After I kept looking at that picture, I couldn't get my mind off how much his baseball career is a lot like how my epilepsy.

Now, please do not take this as an insult either by someone living with epilepsy,

a loved one or even a baseball player.

This is just how MY heart and brain reacted to that one simple pic.

How College Baseball Mirrors Living with Uncontrollable Epilepsy

Living with uncontrollable epilepsy means navigating a world that can change without warning. I started My Glitch blog back in 2021 to share what life looks like inside the "glitches" my brain throws my/our family way, and the strength, humor, and I/my family have found through it all. Epilepsy isn't my or my family's whole story, but it shapes how I/we see the world. And lately, as I watch my son play college baseball, I can't help but notice how much the game he loves mirrors the life I live every day. Neither baseball or my epilepsy are easy, but both have brought out LOVE of any moment each day.

How I See It Relate To Eachother

Baseball has a rhythym that I see in my own life with epilepsy. It's mix of preparation and unpredictability. Watching my son behind home plate, steady and focused, reminds me that we both live in worlds where control is never guaranteed. Now this weekend, he wasn't as much behind the plate due to his injuries, but that is also why I think this topic hit me even more so. He wants back fully in the game soon, but also has to let his body fully heal and not push through it.(I believe that's why his coaches are holding him out just a bit longer) He has been doing daily PT, lifting, extra practice, eating right and of course keeping those grades up. He did the bullpens mostly but that also requires focus and knowing how to prepare your pitchers from the pen to the mound. His key this weekend was at the plate, and in the pen, both he LOVES. In my mind, I could picture him behind the plate whenever called upon and ready to go.

Baseball, at its core, is a game of anticipation. A catcher reads the batter, checks the field, studies the pitcher, and makes sure all positions are ready. The catcher HAS to be GREAT at defense, that's the job to be the LEADER. Yet, no matter how much practice goes into every play, one passed ball can change everything. The same goes for when he steps up to the plate, all he can do is place the ball in play. One game he hits a homerun, but the very next day he might strikeout. That's my life with uncontrolled epilepsy. I take my medication always on time, set sleep schedule, exercise, do all that my Neurologist says, but at times MyGlitch still comes without warning, changing the course of my/family's day or night plans. So just like baseball, I have a great seizure free day feeling no pain, and then the very next day I am having seizures stuck on the couch. Now at times my stubborness does come out and I might feel "off" and still push through when I shouldn't, I think my son gets that from me:)

Over the years our son has told me what all he needs to be ready for. Now at times my memory, causes him to have to tell me again.(sorry bud) I LOVE to hear him talk about baseball, I can just hear his passion and brings joy to my heart. As a catcher he needs to be ready to frame pitch right, a foul ball, a pitch in the dirt, a runner stealing, every pitch he has to be focused and ready for anything. For me and my family, it's much the same with MyGlitches. We are always ready for any chance of a seizure happening. It could happen while going for a walk, doing things around the house, being anywhere or even just while watching TV. Just like he trusts his gear, his training, his coaches and teammates while catching, and at the plate he has to trust his himself along with his swing. I have to trust my support system, my doctors, my family, my feeling in my head. I have learned a lot from watching him play.

Baseball has taught him how to be humble. Even the best players strike out, make errors, or lose games they should've won. Epilepsy teaches me the same.

No matter how great I might feel at that moment or how great my drs are, i can't stop a seizure coming whether i like it or not. So just because we both prepare for anything, we might still be knocked down, but we just need to get right backup. You can't let the setback keep you down!

What I See In Him That Keeps Me Going

He shows up day in and day out with the same passion and detertermation he had the day before, knowing that anything could happen. He doesn't show fear, he FIGHTS! I see his courage, while others might see failure. Him playing baseball has taught me to be better fighter, and try to be kinder to myself when i can't control what happens. He has told me before how much seeing me living with epiepsy being strong, makes him try even harder. Well, I hope this shows him how much he has taught me and keeps me going. Especially those mama's boy HUGS which are always a MUST when we visit.

Much like the phrase "be a gold fish", made popular from one of our favorite shows Ted Lasso. Meaning let go of past mistakes or setbacks quickly, much like a goldfish with a supposed 10 second memory. So in baseball if you just made an error, you can't dwell on it, cause the next play happens right away. Just like in life itself you can't worry about what went wrong(cause then you get stuck in your head), you just move forward. Unfortunately; at times my true memory does that by itself LOL. But seriously, I need to learn to "be a gold fish" by not beating myself up and feeling guilty that my Glitches ruins everything that day. The more I do feel that way, my anxiety goes up and actually brings on more seizures.

Inhale Confidence, Exhale Doubt.

Baseball Has Errors & Epilepsy Has Glitches.

Living with MyGlitches isn't easy, but like baseball, it's taught me, you don't have to control everything to still play the game well. You just have to keep showing up, one pitch, one day at a time. Baseball errors or Glitches doesn't mean you are weak. It means we're playing a different kind of game vs what anyone else might have. We have extra patience, courage, love and faith in the people who stand beside us. Whether your "glitch" happens in the brain, the heart, or somewhere in between, you're not alone.

Keep showing up. Keep swinging.

Whether its errors or glitches

There's still so much life to be lived!